A Rebuttal

I have a relationship of convenience

With my toaster oven.

With spatulas.

Whenever I need cheese melted or cookies scraped

From a pan, I know that small appliances and

Hand held utensils have my back.

I don’t need Pottery barn or Williams Sonoma

To make me slovenly as house cats

Luxe is not my style.

But convenience – yes.

I have a relationship of convenience

With frozen entrees and my cell phone.

It’s true – I use them.

But they like it that way.

My blender will do whatever I say

And I’m never concerned that dish detergent

Will play around behind my back with the laundry soap.

I could be a luddite, or Mennonite,

But why inconvenience myself if I don’t have to.

I like that I don’t have to wake up at 5AM to feed my car

In the dead of winter.

This relationship is low maintenance – a lube job

Whenever it starts feeling neglected,

But I knew that when I signed the contract.

So why this negative connotation with convenience?

Because I love him and he is comfortable as

Worn socks and helpful as a toothbrush,

This means our relationship is bad?

So what if we’ve broken up twice before,

I was always taught it was ill advised to shut and lock a door

If you left your keys laying inside on the foyer floor.

And I prefer houses I’ve already lived in rather than trekking out

And climbing fences, falling into a briar patch

Is not pleasant. It hurts.

I’d rather stay where I fold my shirts and follow a routine.

I’ve tried on other boys but none fit in the shoulders without

Stretching the seams.

Besides, they were all just an interim between

Our arrivals and partings.
And I know, that in nature, only vultures

Circle things that are dead, but nature

Doesn’t have microwaves or water heaters

So the comparison is misapplied.

Because I like the convenience of things.

But I know they are only a bonus

And I could live without things that plug in and blink

When my food is ready

But while he is convenient with screwdrivers and rearranging furniture,

I couldn’t be ok if he weren’t around.

I could live without a blender.

But probably not him.